[Insert quirky and witty title to attract readers old and new]

Every now and then I come across something so funny that even when rereading it I can't stop laughing. To achieve this stature the thing in question has to be craftily constructed and brilliantly executed--and that's exactly what the story I'm about to share with you does.

To be fair, I found this on stumbleupon and to be fairer it's originally from the beloved 4chan.

Enjoy

Cheers,
Touch

Stumble Findings: Paraprosdokians

According to wikipedia, a paraprosdokian "is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists."

All I know is that they are bloody funny.

Examples:

1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
3. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
4. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
5. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

More here: http://www.englishforums.com/content/humour/paraprosdokians.htm